Stand Together
by The Forgotten Nobody
Summary: Magnus apologises to Alec. (Spoilers for 2x20)


_(I'm pretending what happened to Jace didn't happen here as I think that would have had an effect on Alec, considering he seemed to be in a lot of pain.)_

* * *

Magnus' heavy ring clad hand held in his own is the heat of a fire after being trapped in the snow; it's the tether in a tornado. It is warmth, reassurance and safety, and something Alec hadn't been certain he'd experience again. He'd hoped, of course he had, but he'd also been realistic. They hadn't known when the war would end, what would happen during it. It felt like during it all, he'd been stumbling blindly in the dark but with Magnus back beside him, he can finally see again.

However, the rope of trust between them was a fragile thing, and both ends were currently frayed. Magnus didn't yet trust Alec not to keep secrets and now Alec couldn't trust Magnus not to leave him again when things became difficult.

It _had_ made sense, the separation, if he was looking at it from a completely unbiased viewpoint. But the fact of the matter was that it _hadn't_ been unbiased and he couldn't dislodge the memory of Magnus saying 'I'm not doing this for you', the coldness, from where it was stuck at the forefront of his mind.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Magnus asked casually as they walked. Since Alec wasn't convinced that the Warlock wasn't more drained than he let on, and it wasn't too long a distance, they'd decided to travel under the stars. It seemed even the sky was in celebration as there were no clouds to block the array of constellations and the half-moon stood out starkly against the inky canvas, a silent presence watching over them.

"Just glad we're here," he said, squeezing Magnus' hand and the Warlock smiled.

"As am I Alexander, he replied, squeezing back and for a moment Alec could pretend that this was it, that there had been no fights, that all that mattered at that moment was the two of them together.

They reached Magnus' apartment a few minutes later and being let it, not being turned away yet again, was the first act in soothing Alec's maelstrom thoughts. Alec couldn't remember when it happened, but Magnus' home had become his home too and he almost wanted to do another tour around it, discover if Magnus had changed anything or whether it had been left just as he remembered it.

On the back of the sofa rested a soft blue blanket. Alec remembered when it had been first used, almost 2 months ago. It had been the middle of the day and Alec had sought Magnus out after a meeting with Clave representatives. It had been arduous, frustrating and tiring and though he'd intended to stay awake while Magnus prepared a late lunch, that plan had fallen through almost instantly. He'd woken a short time later to find that blanket covering him. It had been the most comfortable thing Alec had ever felt and when Magnus had presented him his warmed up food, he'd kept it resting on his shoulders. Magnus had looked at him fondly, but said nothing.

Ever since then, that blanket had been used whenever Alec fell asleep on the couch (which was more often that he'd care to admit) or just when the two of them were cuddling, watching TV. He brushed a hand over it, willing those memories to come wash away the others.

"I found it comforting," Magnus admitted softly and Alec's heart clenched. "But it was nowhere close to a replacement."

 _It was your decision_ a dark voice said and Alec fought it away. He should just be glad he was back again, not ruining it with that kind of attitude.

"Would you care for a drink?"

Turning around to face Magnus, Alec's lips quirked upwards and he asked, "Didn't you have enough at the bar?"

"One can never have too many drinks when one is celebrating," Magnus commented airily. "Beer? Or can I tempt you with someone more exotic?"

Alec huffed out a quiet laugh. "Beer is good." While he didn't really mind Magnus' concoctions, he never knew exactly what was in them and, therefore, how quickly it would take him to get drunk. While this was probably a justifiable time to get there, he couldn't help but be worried what he might if he reveal. Izzy always loved to tell him what a truthful drunk he was.

"Fine," Magnus sighed dramatically, snapping a beer into Alec's hand. "But you're missing out." He gave himself a bright orange sparkling drink and took a sip.

Together they sat on the sofa and though Alec wanted to close the small distance that remained between them, he found he was hesitant to. While everything mostly felt the same as it had before, now he couldn't help but feel like they were walking on a tightrope where any small gust of wind could knock them over. He was pretty sure a simple movement couldn't do that, but he didn't want to risk upsetting the balance, didn't want to sending them crashing once again with Alec helpless to stop it.

Magnus thankfully took it out of his hands, putting his drink down so he could do it himself. He placed a hand lightly on Alec's knee.

"I truly am happy you're here. Despite how long I'd lived here alone, I hadn't realised just how difficult it would be to go back."

"I've missed it here. I've missed you," Alec said as he put his own untouched drink down. Magnus' hands moved up to claim his own once more.

"And I you," Magnus said. Expression more playful, he continued on with, "I feel we have a lot of lost time to make up for, don't you?"

Alec hoped his smile wasn't as strained as it felt as he copied Magnus' movements and leant in. Kissing Magnus in that alley had felt like a firework, an explosion of relief and gratitude. Now, with his lips moving mechanically, he was thinking about how quickly it could all be taken away again. What if, in the future, there happened to be another war, something even worse (if that was possible). What if there was a true fight between Shadowhunters and Downworlders? Would Magnus leave again? Or would they be able to discuss it together, forge a plan of their own?

"Something's bothering you," Magnus said with concern, pulling away. Just as Alec was ready to deny it, a finger was pressed over his mouth.

"Don't try to tell me otherwise, I could tell. Please, what it is?"

Alec's lips pressed together in a firm line. He didn't want to tell Magnus because what if he decided that was the final straw? That if Alec had these doubts then what they had was unsalvageable? But then, if they were doing this again then they had to work on their issues and for Alec, his was honesty, first to himself and now to Magnus. He had to show he was willing to put in the effort himself.

"I…I can't stop thinking about temporary this could all be," he started with and before he could continue, Magnus' eyes softened and he said, "Those thoughts are natural after what we've been through. In our world there is the very real possibility either one of us could be injured or killed but that doesn't mean we should let it stop us. Anyway, I _am_ the High Warlock of Brooklyn and you are a strong, capable, _sexy_ Shadowhunter."

Alec managed a small smile for Magnus but it quickly fell away. "It's-it's not that Magnus. I…" he let out a frustrated sigh. Why was this so difficult? "What if you decide this isn't worth it? What if something happens and we're forced on opposite sides again. I can't…I can't stop thinking about how all this could be taken away in a moment, just like it had been before." He kept his eyes away from Magnus, unable to look at the Warlock because if he did, he'd either just start apologising again or leave.

"Oh," Magnus said after a long exhale.

Alec bit the inside of his cheek. Of course he had to ruin it. The moment they were okay again Alec had to let his damn insecurities out and now Magnus was going to tell him to go, because they clearly didn't trust each other and wasn't that what relationships were built on?

"I realise I've not actually apologised," Magnus said quietly and Alec felt a hand tilt his chin around so he was back facing the Warlock. Rather than the look of anger Alec had feared, Magnus' face looked broken almost, no hint of a sparkle in his eyes. "I want you to know Alexander that it hurt me greatly to act as I did towards you and that's what most of it was, an act. I was selfish, I thought that if I acted this way, I'd be saving myself more heartache, more longing, but I was wrong. Each night was worse than the last. I convinced myself it was for the good of my people and I still do believe I had good intentions. I truly did want to keep them; everyone, safe and I did it the only way I knew how."

Magnus paused to take a long, gulp of his drink. "When I found out the Queen had betrayed us, I didn't want to believe it at first. Rather, I didn't want to believe I had made a mistake, that I had thrown us away for nothing. I found it easier to pretend than to admit the truth of my shortcomings to myself. Alexander, I did what I thought was best and it turned out I was wrong. I made a mistake that hurt us both in the process. I'm not surprised at your feelings but I promise you now that we shall never stand on opposite sides again. I will stand beside you no matter what."

It was as if the storm had cleared within Alec, expelling out of his body in the form of tears. Perhaps it wasn't just this, maybe it was everything finally catching up to him, but regardless Alec felt the moisture gather in the corner of his eyes. Though he desperately tried to hold them back, a stray teat escaped down his cheek. Magnus' thumb caught it and Alec leaned into the touch.

"I'm so sorry my darling," Magnus said gently.

"Me too Magnus," Alec replied, his voice heavy. "I promise, I'm not going to lie to you again, not about something so important. I didn't mean to hurt you with it. We both made mistakes. We both thought we were doing what was best."

"And we've both learnt from them," Magnus replied firmly. "And we're all the stronger for it. You need not apologise any more Alexander. You've done it far more than you need to."

"I'm so-," he broke off, a wet laugh escaping him. He inched closer to Magnus, their knees knocking together, and Magnus' other hand came up so that he was cupping Alec's face. Slowly, they inclined inwards so they were kissing once again however, unlike last time, none of his previous fears arose. Like a soothing balm, Magnus' words, his apology, had cleared them all away. Alec once more felt like he belonged. Magnus was right, they were stronger now, they'd grown. The cracks in his heart were beginning to seal. Unable to stop his smile, Alec drew Magnus down so they were lying on the couch; his boyfriend's body a pleasant weight on his.

It felt good to be home.

* * *

 _I love Magnus but I really wish at the end of that episode he'd apologised. Considering how Magnus said he loved Alec, I thought he was a bit unnecessarily mean to him. I hope they follow this up in the next series, that it's not just a quick fix but rather a more realistic one since they both have issues to work out._

 _I'd love to know what you thought :)_


End file.
